Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
