Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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