I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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