thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
