Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
