saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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