2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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