My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
