if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
