the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
