Kiss
Puke
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
