the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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