Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
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My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The adults are the big ones right?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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