You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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