I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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