you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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