I feel great
I just peed on a car
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
