worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
