I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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