i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Do vagina's smell?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
A+ Viking dick
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
