There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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