can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
did i walk over a car last night?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
