i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
