when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
