And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am naked and annoyed.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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