i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
there is puke in my bra ... again
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
