You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
