I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
