shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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