You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I had to cum in my sink.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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