You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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