Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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