Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
