We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
