3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
