Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You're like the curious george of whores
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
