No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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