dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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