My brain says no but my pants say off.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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