I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Randomize
