I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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