i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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