I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
