am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
