I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
