That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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