hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Randomize
