i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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