life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
