I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
