I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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