He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
