What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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