I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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