I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
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Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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