Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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