she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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