I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
