i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
im drinking this country out of the recession.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
