Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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