Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
