thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
