Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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