HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
