I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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