i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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