I want to have your abortion
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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