why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
