i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
