either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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