Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
