he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
