can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
