i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
