You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
