I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
